Some of the most capable women I know aren’t struggling because of a lack of talent. They’re struggling because they stopped trusting themselves and started holding themselves back.

In my keynotes, I’ve asked over 4,400 people this question: How are you currently silencing, doubting, or holding yourself back?

Going back through all 4,400+ responses, here are the four that are most visceral, most universal, and the ones that often land hardest for women.

“I’m a people pleaser, and I always want to make my coworkers believe that everything is under control when sometimes I’m drowning with work tasks.”

The performance of fine-ness. The gap between what’s on the outside and what’s actually happening. Women are socialized to be capable, pleasant, and on top of things, and that response captures exactly what that costs. She’s drowning, but nobody knows. She made sure of it.

“Completely overwhelmed at work but haven’t told my boss because he’s daily saying ‘you’re crushing it.’”

This one is devastating because of the trap it reveals. The praise becomes its own silencer. How do you tell someone who thinks you’re crushing it that you’re actually being crushed? She can’t, so she doesn’t.

“After a while, people stop listening, so you stop talking.”

This covers the women who aren’t afraid. They’re exhausted. They tried. They got dismissed, talked over, ignored, or shut down, and they drew a rational conclusion from the evidence. Learned helplessness in one sentence. And the response that should make every leader in every room feel something uncomfortable.

“By worrying about what others think and not being my authentic self. I have literally silenced my voice, but I’m working to be heard again.”

The word “literally” does all the work here. Not metaphorically. Literally. She silenced her actual voice, and that’s what I’m here to help people overcome.

And then there’s this one, which says everything in five words: “Dulling my shine for others.” No quote in the entire dataset is more compressed or more precise about the specific tax women pay to stay acceptable.

We don’t talk about this stuff out loud, but we’re all dealing with it. And we’re not as alone as we think we are. What I’ve learned is there’s a difference between being capable and believing you’re capable, and the gap between those two things is where many of us get stuck.

A decade into my own career, I was crushing it on the surface. I’d just been recognized as the #1 Health Promotion Professional in the U.S. But the part of myself I wasn’t letting anyone see was crumbling. I burned out, got sicker than I’d ever been, and was diagnosed with an acute form of mono at 32 while serving as the Director of Wellbeing at my company. I had been muting myself, silencing my needs, hiding my struggles, and refusing to ask for help.

That season became the catalyst for everything I now teach: The VOICE Method.

The VOICE Method: A Roadmap to Clarity, Confidence, and Contribution

V — Void: Identify what isn’t working

The Void is the moment you realize something isn’t working: the discomfort, the restlessness, the resentment building beneath the surface. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s a gift, because it wakes us up and makes us ask: What if it didn’t have to be this way?

Ask yourself: What’s one way I’m holding myself back, and what is that costing me?

O — Opportunity: Connect to what’s possible

Once we’ve named the pain, we can shift from problems to possibilities. My dad gave me a question I’ve never stopped using: If it were just right, what would it look like? It’s a possibility activator. It helps us stop catastrophizing and start imagining the best of what could be. You can also flip your fear into a goal. “I’m not applying for jobs I’m qualified for” becomes “I’m going to apply and see what happens.” That simple reframe changes everything.

I — Illumination: See your own brilliance

A lot of us are blind to our own brilliance. We can’t see the label from inside the jar. One of the most powerful exercises I do with audiences is having them text someone they trust to ask how they’re perceived and what their strengths are. The responses are profound and (sadly) often the first time people truly let themselves take it in instead of dismissing the feedback. That’s where clarity begins: not in figuring yourself out alone, but in borrowing other people’s belief in you until you can hold it yourself.

C — Catalyst: Accept the invitation

A therapist once told me: “Your ability to assess risk is greater than your ability to trust yourself.” That’s why we stall. The root of the word confidence is confide — meaning full trust. To have self-confidence is to have full trust in yourself. So here’s what I want you to remember the next time an opportunity arrives and your instinct is to list all the reasons you’re not ready:

An invitation is an indication of a qualification.

You are not an imposter. You are in process.

I bet and truly believe that you are more capable than you give yourself credit for.

E — Expression: The brave, bold step to the unmuted life

Research on regret shows that regrets of inaction are far more common than regrets of action. We regret the things we didn’t do far more than the things we did. People don’t need your perfection. They need your perspective. You are the only person with your unique combination of skills, experience, and wisdom. If you hold that back, you’re robbing the world of a contribution only you can make.

The Feeling Waiting on the Other Side

At the end of my keynotes, I invite people to imagine it’s one year from now and they’ve unmuted themselves: stepped up, said yes, shown up more fully. Then I ask how they’d feel.

Their words: Invigorated. Exhilarated. Proud. Alive. Unstoppable.

Oliver Wendell Holmes once said that most people die with their music still locked up inside them. As a singer-songwriter myself, that resonates because I literally kept my own music locked up for most of my life until I started releasing original music in 2023.

The music isn’t just songs; it’s everything we hold back or shrink from. It’s the raise someone never asked for. The idea they never shared. The promotion they never applied for. The version of themselves they only let out when nobody was watching.

Don’t let that be you. The world needs your contribution, and only you can give it.

You are Somebody. You matter. You are enough.

And when you believe that in the core of who you are, you will show up differently. You will say yes to new opportunities. You will step into all that you are capable of being and doing.

You just have to believe it first.

Rachel Druckenmiller, CSP® is a TEDx speaker, self-leadership and workplace performance expert, and founder of UNMUTED. Recognized by Forbes, Smart Meetings, and Workforce Magazine, she helps leaders and teams move from self-doubt to self-trust, from hesitation to contribution, and from going through the motions to showing up fully. Her signature keynote, UNMUTED: Unleash Clarity, Confidence & Contribution to Amplify Your Impact, is available for conferences, associations, and corporate events.

Learn more at https://www.speakinc.com/speakers/rachel-druckenmiller/.